Tag Archives: 5th quad

The Yuk factor

Here’s an interesting fact.

Whenever you use those words, or the roundly derided fun-fact! you risk giving the ick.

*Eyerolls* *Groans* Is that a fact, Einstein? In your opinion. Says who? Burn. Yawn.

So how do you slide something into conversation that has no natural fit? I’m yet to discover a reliable technique.

I face this conundrum most days as my mind ranges wide. News, books and podcasts. Swooping on any shiny nuggets.

Yes, people are overloaded in our Attention Economy. I share that need to switch off.

But our days are getting shorter. Literally.

Last week scientists provided actual data that our planet is spinning faster, shortening our days. I knew it. The last years have flown like no other. My magpie mind exploded. Should I feel short-changed or lucky? Is someone showing us a kindness, fast-forwarding through the boring bits?

Here we go. Seen all this before. Know what’s going to happen.

There is a puzzle in grabbing the right kind of attention. Humour helps but people soon tire of my dumb/clever gags. The flighty clown of my soul takes some restraining.

But the pun works on so many levels. You must say it. You must.

And that unintended double entendre your colleague just let slip is worthy of Finbarr Saunders plus two actresses and a bishop!

I consciously keep my mouth shut in most company so that the cream pies flying behind my eyes don’t shoot out. They don’t always land well.

What?! Sea snakes can hold their breath for over 8 hours?! What do whales do? 3. Suck on that, whales. Literally. When I learned this last week, I invited the other people in the room to guess which animal holds the record. And for how long. They loved it, young and old. Who goes down the longest? A whale or a snake? Whizz, splat!

On Tuesday I googled quads to try and understand my latest stupid injury. Top of the list was the recently discovered 5th quad. WTF??? You can’t have 5 quads. It’s a mathematical and linguistic nonsense. Literally. A quartet with 5 instruments is a quintet.

Do I now have a torn quin?

The osteopath who was treating my torn quad/quin later that day was astounded when I mentioned it and laughed his head off, literally. As the young folk say.  

And that’s how I do it.

It’s all about timing. Where, and when, you whack it in.